"Mom, help!"

My son asks for help a lot....most frequently when I am driving. My answer normally resembles something like "Buddy, mommy can't right now because of......" There are times where I simply tell him no explaining that I know he can do it himself wanting him to have that personal victory (he gets so excited when he does do it himself). But then there are other times where he does need help, I am available, but it is a really non-important task For example, we are in a hurry to get home because the baby is fussy, as I am putting Levi in the car, his flipflop falls off but we are just driving home; he doesn't need it on. But he thinks he NEEDS it on. So "Ah mom!! Help!!" At first I started to say he was fine and it could wait until we got home, then I was convicted. Not that I was sinning in telling him to wait, but that his request was simple and I need to think of the future as well.

But I don't want to go to church

Okay Everyone, maybe I am the only one who feels like this (though I doubt it very much) but Sunday I just was in a plain grouchy mood and did NOT want to go to church.....at all. John wasn't feeling well and Jahs has had a cough so John thought it would be best if Jahs stayed home with him.

Picking up Sticks Worthy of the Death Sentence?

So I am in the book of Numbers for my morning devotions. I won't lie, I struggle a little bit because it isn't the easiest to just apply to your every day life. But I know that every word is profitable and I should be thankful for even Leviticus and Numbers. :P

Anywho, that is beside the point. In my devotions the story of the guy who picked up sticks on the Sabbath and how everyone wasn't sure what to do about it so they inquired of God. God told them that he should be stoned to death. This really took me by surprise. Check out the passage:

Number 15:32-36

Penalty for Violating the Sabbath

32 Now while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day. 33 And those who found him gathering sticks brought him to Moses and Aaron, and to all the congregation. 34 They put him under guard, because it had not been explained what should be done to him.

35 Then the Lord said to Moses, “The man must surely be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp.” 36 So, as the Lord commanded Moses, all the congregation brought him outside the camp and stoned him with stones, and he died.

 I mean I know that no work was to be done on the Sabbath but he just picked up sticks. This caused me to really ponder this a lot. It brought up a lot of questions for example, why was he stoned? Was it truly because he disobeyed regardless of his heart (like did he purposely rebel against God or was it an accident?)? Was it because he was purposefully rebelling and disregarding God? Was it do be an example? I don't know and I don't think Numbers tells us. But I think the "moral of the story" is the gravity of the seriousness of sin regardless. Sin is sin against a holy God. It is rebellion. It is spitting in His face saying that what He did on the cross for us didn't matter at all. As Christians we are free from the power of sin, yet we still do sin and will continue to until the day we die. If I learn anything from this confusing passage, it should be that my God is a holy God. A God that takes sin seriously and is a just God.

In what ways are we taking sin lightly today? Are we being deceitful or manipulative? Sin is serious. Let us pray that the Holy Spirit would come and keep our conscience open and ready to help us. 

Courageous, What Does it Mean?

As most of you are aware (as even I am and we don't own a TV....thanks Facebook for making sure we know what is going on in the world!), there are a lot of things going on in this world lately. First we have the Duggar "scandal" and I won't go into too much of my opinion on the matter because there are just so many sides to it and there have been many articles written by amazing theologians and pastors that do a way better job at explaining things than I ever could. I will say though that we are all sinners. Of course what he did was horrific and awful and I feel sickened for the poor victims. I do not have a "side" on which I stand.

Is Celebrating Sin Really the New Norm?

First, I need to write a few disclaimers. This post isn't meant to purposely offend anyone. I am not writing this to specifically hurt anyone or any one particular sin. This is about sin in general--any sin. Also--and I know this is a bit of a tough statement, but please understand I am speaking to myself just as much as to my readers--if you are offended by it, exam why. Whenever we get offended or defensive, it is almost always because we are being prideful and are offended at the truth. Otherwise, if what we are offended about is not true in the least, then why bother spending the energy being offended because you know you are right. If you are reading this just to pick a fight, please stop reading. If you are honestly reading this to be open-minded and humble and really want to know what I am talking about when I say that we celebrate sin as a culture today, then I welcome you to continue to read and share this post.

The Death of an Amazing Woman and it's Impact

I am going to be upfront with you. Death scares me; so does heaven.

It's Been a While!

I have not really written in my blog in a long time. Almost two months. The biggest reason for that is since Jahs has been born and it is nap time, I take a nap too...normally. And lately that is the only time I am able to write only because it is quiet. I have just enough sanguine in me that I get distracted and I have a hard time concentrating when there is noise and playing going on around me. Lol

Sipping on a hot cup of tea and looking out the window, I am sitting here typing this post. Christmas is only a few short days away. Honestly, it feels like any old time of year this year for me. I'm not sure why and it kind of bums me out. Cindy Lou Who and I are pals this year. I am not depressed, but I am just not excited about Christmas as I normally am.

After I put the kids to bed, I was trying to motivate myself to get the house tidy again and do some laundry. After a while, I saw my Bible sitting lonely and unread on the table and the Lord convicted me. I sat down with my hot cup of tea and enjoyed some quiet time. I am doing a chronological Bible reading program and it is really interesting. Yesterday and today have been all about Jesus casting out demons and healing.

One of my biggest struggles has always been my devotions. I have no idea why. When I have days like today when I am convicted and long for the word of God, I am so grateful for that feeling. God is good. Most days it is something I know I should do, so the days where God blesses me with the desire are sweet.

Let us pray for each other and pray that God gives us opportunities to do devotions each day. When you have littles at home, sometimes it takes some creativity to carve in time, but there is always time. My prayer is that God helps me see that time like He did today. Laundry can wait. Hot tea and talks with my Lord need to come first.

Ever Afraid to Pray? I am...Here's why

I want to be honest about something and maybe this confession will help others as well. Sometimes I am afraid to pray. I know this sounds silly to most of you, so let me explain.

Using God's Word Selfishly...

I wanted to share something that I wrote in my journal recently. It is something that has been on my heart. I don’t know if I have ever wrote something that I have written in my journal, but I thought this may help others and maybe some of you can help me out and give me some tips, advice, or thoughts.

So here is what I wrote:

Awesomeness and Parks Versus Awesomeness and Messy Living Rooms

There is a song I hear on the radio down here and I think the song is just called “Awesome.” I am not sure of the artist, but I will see if I can find it and post a link. It is more of a charismatic song, but the theme of the song is that our God is awesome. It repeats that over again. I love it. Our God is awesome. He is glorious. This song is stuck in my head/heart today.

God's Sovereignty and Mundane Days

The sovereignty of my God is an awesome thing. He is wholly in control.

Today was an emotionally draining day with Levi. He wasn’t bad necessarily, he was being a kid. I was tired and trying to accomplish a lot. I seemed to be telling him to leave stuff alone, put something back, be gentle to the cat, those aren’t yours to play with, or Levi, please come here all afternoon long. All the negative was discouraging me. Trying to come up with more positive, less draining ways to keep him out of stuff, I tried to have him play with certain things etc. I felt bad for him, but I was also getting frustrated and even more tired.
 I accomplished a lot of things. Things in the house got organized, his bedroom got cleaned, curtains were hung, our bedroom was completely rearranged, laundry was done, lunch and dinner were made, but one thing was not accomplished. I wanted to take Levi to the park. I wanted to walk down there for the exercise and then let him play outside in the fresh air together with me. Guess what got shoved aside on my to do list.
Yes, I am glad that I accomplished what I did and I am grateful that I was able to because honestly today is what I would consider a “bad pregnancy day” because of the cramping, aches, pains, and tiredness. But, what did I do to spend quality time with Levi? We did play together and we sang songs and such, but still the fact that the park got shoved aside bothered me. I read this article this evening and it really struck home. I had a frustrating day today and this evening isn’t going so hot either. I’m tired and emotional, but my God is still sovereign. He’s sovereign over the missed park, he’s sovereign over Levi exploring EVERYTHING today, He’s sovereign over the icky evening. He’s also sovereign over the good things. Levi informing me he had to go potty, a nice arranged bedroom that is decluttered. Clothes that are washed and put away. God is sovereign. This is a truth I need to embed deep in my heart. When I feel my heart and soul getting frustrated and worried or stressed, I need to remember God is sovereign and realize every situation is designed for me personally. God knew it would happen and is using it to grow me more Christ-like.
So, whether it is a tantrum or being bummed about missing the park, realize that God is sovereign and we can learn something from each situation. I need to manage my time better, lean on God, and thank Him for my amazing little man who sometimes wears me out physically even though he is shorter than my knees! :)

*By the way, this is a day later and we did make it to the park today. :)

Gossiping Lies

I'm nervous to write this post because I know this is going to come across as harsh, but I don't mean it to. Just know my heart isn't to be harsh and judgemental.

Sometimes the way the world thinks saddens me. And by the world, I don't necessarily mean unbelievers, some things believers say is also very saddening--sometimes more so because they should know better....but then again, God is the one who opens our eyes, not us. I just recently overheard an older couple talking about someone they knew who was getting married.

Mundane Monday

Why do you think Monday's can be so tough? I am not sure. But, I believe it has something to do with the fact that we have idols. Shocked at that answer? Let me explain and see if I can help you understand where I am coming from. We all would admit we have idols in our life. Or maybe we wouldn't, but we know that we do. I heard a quote the other day that stated "What we idolize, we demonize."

Our Cry

As many of you know, I am very against abortion. Maybe I will post another post later about the excuses people come up with that they hope will make abortion seem okay and even good. Until then, I want to just express how awful it is. If any of you have had an abortion, I cry with you. God is there. I am not judging you. We have all sinned and Christ died for our sins. That doesn't make abortion right and we need to cry out against it. Here are two videos I wanted to post about  abortion. They are both amazing and they are both worth watching and sharing. Check them out. John Piper's response to Obama and abortion

A Clarification

I wanted to write a clarification for my post "Emotional Stability" from the other day. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew I wasn't saying that because we aren't strong and that we should lean on Christ give us an excuse to be emotional and sinful in our attitudes. When we are overwhelmed we are telling God He isn't running our lives right basically. Though if we are overwhelmed yet trusting and crying out to Him asking Him for help, that is fine. Many of the people in the Bible did that. The Christian life isn't always roses and sunshine, it really just stinks sometimes, but it stinks with peace. lol Knowing that we have a sovereign God is an amazing feeling.

Are You Called to be a Missionary?

My dream, the thing that I literally would cry myself to sleep about, the thing that I plead with God to make a way--that dream was to be a missionary. An overseas missionary. And I had this opportunity when I was 16. I went to Africa and it changed my life. I pray I helped and blessed those over in Africa, but I am not sure. I do know that it literally rocked my world. I felt so inadequate. So useless and helpless. So overwhelmed. I would once again cry myself to sleep longing to go back. I wanted to be a missionary my whole life. I wanted to move there. I wanted to adopt all the kids I saw with over-flowing diapers. I wanted to bring into my home all the girls with breaking hearts looking for love in all the wrong places. I wanted to show the young men trying to find a sense of value, trying to feel like a man where they could find that value. I wanted to help the families with 20 people living in once home about the size of our apartment or smaller who only wanted one blanket and a Bible. I wanted to give them so much more. And I still do. It still shakes me today. I still cry over it and my heart aches to go back. But, that time is not now. God's timing is perfect and I pray that He will use me once again to be a blessing in Africa.

But then the thought hits me that why can't I be a missionary here? What changed about my attitude over there? What made me fearless to pray with dying people? To pray with hurting teenagers? To help them see God's love? What made the difference to have joy in playing with 100 kids who didn't speak our language at all for hours on end? What made that difference? And, why can't I have that attitude here? Why don't I ask those who are hurting around me if I can not only pray for them, but pray with them? If I can ask the grocery store clerk who seems upset, grouchy, and struggling if there is anything I can do for her? To pray for? To find practical ways to help the homeless on our streets? To reach out to the girls I babysit? To tell them about Jesus? Why is my heart and attitude so different in Africa than in America?

Did you know that we have a lot of missionaries from other counteries now coming here? What are we doing in our own homes and neighborhoods to be missionaries? You may or may not be called to go over seas, but we are all called to share the love of Christ. We can and are called to be missionaries no matter where we are.

Find it Joyous

I am melancholy. Most of you who know me know this. I tend to be a perfectionist. But on the same token, I am also phlegmatic; not a ton, but enough where I get lazy and just do NOT want to clean. I get overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I get frustrated and grouchy. Then I start the blame game in my head (sometimes it slips out of my mouth as well!). "Why can't he just pick up his clothes instead of leaving them on the floor?!" (while my clothes sit on the bathroom floor....) "If He would just...." "I could keep this house clean if He would just!" And on it goes. Then not only am I frustrated about the mess, I get bitter and resentful in my heart which yep you guessed it, seeps out in my actions.
Before I begin to talk about how I can change my actions, I need to realize the root of this issue....pride. It's as simple as that....though not as simple as one might think. By being prideful I am being selfish, I am spitting in the face of God and telling Him that the way He ordained my life and my days is stupid and wrong and I could do a way better job. Hmph! Sounds goofy doesn't it? It's like I am pitching a fit at the throne of God telling Him that He is mean and doesn't know what He is doing. If anyone had the right to do that, it would have surely been Job. He had everything stripped from him; he wasn't just dealing with socks on the floor or a broken mop. His family died, all but his nagging wife. All of his wealth was stripped away. His health was so bad his friends and wife told him to just curse God and die. When he did start to doubt, God gave Him quite the talking to. What did He tell Job? He didn't say you are right you deserve better, you have been so faithful. You are just awesome Job, you rock buddy and deserve better. Poor thing, look at the way I have been treating you. No, this is not what the mighty God of the universes who is sovereign over all says to Job. Let's take a look:

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

“Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

“Or who shut in the sea with doors

“Have you commanded the morning since your days began,

“Have you entered into the springs of the sea,

“Where is the way to the dwelling of light,

“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,

“Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain

“Has the rain a father,

“Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades

“Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,

“Can you hunt the prey for the lion,

But wait, God's not finished yet. He continues: 

“Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?

“Who has let the wild donkey go free?

“Is the wild ox willing to serve you?

“The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,

“Do you give the horse his might?

“Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars

40 And the Lord said to Job:

“Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty?

³ Then Job answered the Lord and said:

“Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?

Oh that I remember, even though it is something as insignificant as a clean house or organized bedroom, God is sovereign. Instead of being prideful and bitter, causing me to disrespect John (which is yet ANOTHER sin!). My prayer is that God helps me to fight my prideful self. A great book on Pride is "Humility: True Greatness" by CJ Mahaney. It is an amazing book that I think I need to read again!

Quietness

I am sitting here trying to figure out what to write. I will have blog post ideas pop into my head almost daily, but it seems when I go to actually write something.....nothin'. lol But then I decided that I am grateful for the time in the evenings to actually be able to sit here and have my mind quiet.



A quiet mind can be such a blessing. One doesn't have to have a quiet mind when everything around you is quiet, it is possible--difficult, but possible-- to have a quiet mind in the midst of the craziness of every day life.

Some examples of how I've striven--okay not striven  I was anything but intentional about it today, but still God blessed me--to have a peaceful and quiet mind today. I carved out time for devotions. I got a tall glass of white grape and raspberry juice, sat in John's massage chair (boy is that thing amazing, we are selling it because it was an unwise emotional financial decision to buy it, but if it doesn't sell I won't be sad either lol), with pandora playing softly in the background reading God's amazing and wonderful word. Later, as I nursed Levi, I sat in that amazing chair again, once again listening to pandora this time also listening to God's word on audio. Able to sit there relaxing, spending time with my heavenly Father and share God's word with my son along with some giggles as the massage chair made mommy shake. lol He enjoyed that a lot.

It felt good to get my to do list almost accomplished. There are still things needing to get done (for example, the dishes! Always dishes! lol), but knowing that it's okay. They will get done.

What are some ways that you can think of to have a quiet mind? Maybe it is sitting back while the kids play loudly in the background, cause yourself to just observe and thank God for them. Thank God that He has blessed you with those sometimes very loud and sinful children and that you get the chance to strive to fight back against this sinful world and hopefully--Lord Willing--bring up children who will be a witness and a light in this dark world. Even in the stressful times, I pray that both you and I are able to sit back and have a quiet and peaceful mind. So, tonight, strive to have that. Cuddle with your husband, hug your kids, drink a nice warm beverage of some kind, play some soft relaxing music (I highly recommend the George Winston station on Pandora), maybe light some candles. God is good and gracious. I am thankful for this quiet mind. :)

Faith like Abraham...What Does That Mean?

I was reading today in D.L. Moody's book "Spiritual Depression" on the chapter entitled plainly "Trials." First off, this book is absolutely amazing and I would highly recommend it. Yes, it is a challenging read and I have been slowly trodding through it for....well over a year. I started it when I was pregnant with Levi. Anywho, it's awesome. Don't be intimidated by how long it has taken me to read it. That is just my laziness and yet I'm thankful that it has taken me this long. It seems like each time I pick it back up, it is at just the right time.

As I was reading today, something brought to my attention Abraham and how he was very faithful. He trusted God....he really, really trusted God. His faith was real. God asked him to kill his only son!  Now, I know we have all heard this story, but let's think about it a bit more. For those of you with kids, what if God told you to kill your son or daughter? To make it even more significant (as if killing own of your own children isn't enough) let's say that you struggled to get pregnant and have children to begin with and it would be very unlikely that you would conceive another child. You were told my medical professionals that you would have no more children. This was basically their case. Yet what did he do? He trusted God. Now obviously, God probably isn't going to tell anyone to kill their children......but, what about families who have lost little ones "too early?" Or any situation really, whether it is the death of someone we love dearly or financial troubles, or the fact that all of a sudden your child refuses to eat anything at all (our minal trial at the moment), do you trust God? Obviously, that doesn't wipe away the pain, but knowing that we have an amazing God who is in control is so comforting.

If any of you are going through trials, no matter what they are, remember that God is there. Just as He was there with Abraham. Let us strive to respond as Abraham did. Let us trust our amazing God and praise Him through our tears and fears. Stay weak my friends knowing God is strong. :)

Why can't I just STAY joyful?

I was at work driving kids back and forth to their various after school things and I was in a great mood. We were having a blast, the sun was shining, I actually felt energetic for once, and I was pain free. I started to pray thanking God for giving me that wonderful day and then I thought I cannot WAIT to get home to see John!