Mundane Monday

Today is like the quintessential Monday. It is rainy. It is gloomy. It is the start of the week.
We could do like most and whine about this (especially those of us who are affected by the weather). Or we can be joyful in this. How you may ask as you, like myself, are struggling to find joy this seemingly gloomy Monday. Well, instead of complaining about the darkness of the day, revel in it. Rainy days make for cozy days. They are sweater days. They are candle days. They are hot drink days. Pull out your favorite colorful rain boots and put them on today. Also rejoice in the fact that it is a break from the snow that normally adorns this time of year.

They are also good for putting on either your favorite "cozy" music or you favorite upbeat music; your choice. Maybe it's praise and worship music to reorient your mind (My favorites for this are songs that almost directly quote scripture to soak my mind in God's truths especially when I'm fighting for joy).

The world always jokes about how awful Mondays are and I'll admit sometimes they are tough, but they are a chance to be different from the world, even in small ways like finding joy in Mondays. So friends, let's use our Mondays as a mission field. Let's find joy in this small thing and be thankful that God created Mondays. I pray that you continue to fight this fight this day and that whatever you are going through, you strive for God's glory this day.

Nose Ring Girl and Angry Cashier

I've often worried that the repetitious prayers I pray (not as consistently as I should) before naps and bedtime are just that, too repetitious. It is often the same things over and over but it is this way because those are things that are really on my heart. Three of the biggest things I pray with them are:

1)They would love God with their whole heart (because I believe if they do, all else will follow)
2)That God would help them obey and convict them when they are tempted or chose to disobey and sin.
3) That we would be a good example and tell our friends about Jesus.

During nap time, Levi and I went shopping. At one store, the cashier had a lip ring which Levi must have never seen or noticed before (he's 6 by the way). He blantantly and loudly asked me "Mom, what on her lip?!" Ha, kids are pretty blunt and honest. So instead of making it more awkward for her and myself, I just simply told him that it was called a lip ring and some ladies get them just like I have earrings....but for your lip. He then asked her, "Do you go home when it gets dark?" She told him that she did. He said "oh, we don't. We go to church at night." (Me trying partly to explain but also so she didn't feel too awkward about the situation, clarified that yes one day a week, we go to night church when it's dark) She told him that it sounds like he goes to church a lot and that was a very good thing.

When we got back into the car I brought it up and asked him about telling her about us going to church. I asked him if he remembers about how we pray for God to give us wisdom and strength to tell our friends about Jesus and told him that him telling her that we go to church was a really simple way to do so. It wasn't long. It wasn't the gospel. But it was something pressing on his heart and he wanted to share that. It's in those seemingly unimportant conversations that seeds are planted in simple ways.

Later, I went out by myself and encountered some of the worst service at a store I think I've ever received. It was so bad, I cried when I got to my car. The cashier was just plain mean and spiteful. I finished my shopping and got in line. Not paying attention I got in a line that wasn't open. She retorted that I was in the wrong line, it was clearly the line with the only light on that was open. Thinking she was joking, I laughed and said oh yeah I see that now. Thanks! Moving over to her line, she made another remark to me then when I went to go pay, she was angry at the way I was paying (using larger bills to break them when she saw I had the exact amount in my wallet). She very loudly without technically yelling, said "Oh so you're just going to take some of my bills then huh?! Sure Whatever" (There were other things done as well but there is no reason to retell everything)

I made sure to look at the receipt to look at the checkout number and time and looked at her name tag. My intentions were to call a manager and file a complaint. As I was about to walk about the door, starting to fume, I was convicted. Levi was able to witness in a small way to the cashier, how much more should I be a good example to this person who could be having just a rotten day. I don't know what had just happened to her, but most people don't just spout out hate to others for no reason. So I stopped myself, took a deep breathe, and said "Jen, I pray your evening gets better for you." It wasn't much and now I can think of a much more encouraging phrase to use, but I was still angry and even that was hard to get out, but I had to muscle past my pride and do so. I still went out to the car and cried and I still wanted to call a manager and complain because that is no way to treat a customer, but then I was convicted again. God sees all. And how deceitful to tell her I hope her evening gets better, then immediately call and complain about her. So I prayed for her and let it be. I don't know her story or what could have happened right before that moment.

My 6-year-old was an encouragement to me and an example. And I am thankful. :)

Also, I have written this whole blog post with a sock on my hand.......Just because I know that sounds crazy (and it was really challenging to type!) I am having issues with my skin cracking and splitting open in the worse spots (my entire ring finger and now onto the palm of my hand making it very painful to do things like wash dishes, bend my finger, etc). So, I have a treatment on it, hence the sock to prevent it from getting it everywhere.

"Mom, help!"

My son asks for help a lot....most frequently when I am driving. My answer normally resembles something like "Buddy, mommy can't right now because of......" There are times where I simply tell him no explaining that I know he can do it himself wanting him to have that personal victory (he gets so excited when he does do it himself). But then there are other times where he does need help, I am available, but it is a really non-important task For example, we are in a hurry to get home because the baby is fussy, as I am putting Levi in the car, his flipflop falls off but we are just driving home; he doesn't need it on. But he thinks he NEEDS it on. So "Ah mom!! Help!!" At first I started to say he was fine and it could wait until we got home, then I was convicted. Not that I was sinning in telling him to wait, but that his request was simple and I need to think of the future as well.

But I don't want to go to church

Okay Everyone, maybe I am the only one who feels like this (though I doubt it very much) but Sunday I just was in a plain grouchy mood and did NOT want to go to church.....at all. John wasn't feeling well and Jahs has had a cough so John thought it would be best if Jahs stayed home with him.

Picking up Sticks Worthy of the Death Sentence?

So I am in the book of Numbers for my morning devotions. I won't lie, I struggle a little bit because it isn't the easiest to just apply to your every day life. But I know that every word is profitable and I should be thankful for even Leviticus and Numbers. :P

Anywho, that is beside the point. In my devotions the story of the guy who picked up sticks on the Sabbath and how everyone wasn't sure what to do about it so they inquired of God. God told them that he should be stoned to death. This really took me by surprise. Check out the passage:

Number 15:32-36

Penalty for Violating the Sabbath

32 Now while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day. 33 And those who found him gathering sticks brought him to Moses and Aaron, and to all the congregation. 34 They put him under guard, because it had not been explained what should be done to him.

35 Then the Lord said to Moses, “The man must surely be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp.” 36 So, as the Lord commanded Moses, all the congregation brought him outside the camp and stoned him with stones, and he died.

 I mean I know that no work was to be done on the Sabbath but he just picked up sticks. This caused me to really ponder this a lot. It brought up a lot of questions for example, why was he stoned? Was it truly because he disobeyed regardless of his heart (like did he purposely rebel against God or was it an accident?)? Was it because he was purposefully rebelling and disregarding God? Was it do be an example? I don't know and I don't think Numbers tells us. But I think the "moral of the story" is the gravity of the seriousness of sin regardless. Sin is sin against a holy God. It is rebellion. It is spitting in His face saying that what He did on the cross for us didn't matter at all. As Christians we are free from the power of sin, yet we still do sin and will continue to until the day we die. If I learn anything from this confusing passage, it should be that my God is a holy God. A God that takes sin seriously and is a just God.

In what ways are we taking sin lightly today? Are we being deceitful or manipulative? Sin is serious. Let us pray that the Holy Spirit would come and keep our conscience open and ready to help us. 

Courageous, What Does it Mean?

As most of you are aware (as even I am and we don't own a TV....thanks Facebook for making sure we know what is going on in the world!), there are a lot of things going on in this world lately. First we have the Duggar "scandal" and I won't go into too much of my opinion on the matter because there are just so many sides to it and there have been many articles written by amazing theologians and pastors that do a way better job at explaining things than I ever could. I will say though that we are all sinners. Of course what he did was horrific and awful and I feel sickened for the poor victims. I do not have a "side" on which I stand.

Is Celebrating Sin Really the New Norm?

First, I need to write a few disclaimers. This post isn't meant to purposely offend anyone. I am not writing this to specifically hurt anyone or any one particular sin. This is about sin in general--any sin. Also--and I know this is a bit of a tough statement, but please understand I am speaking to myself just as much as to my readers--if you are offended by it, exam why. Whenever we get offended or defensive, it is almost always because we are being prideful and are offended at the truth. Otherwise, if what we are offended about is not true in the least, then why bother spending the energy being offended because you know you are right. If you are reading this just to pick a fight, please stop reading. If you are honestly reading this to be open-minded and humble and really want to know what I am talking about when I say that we celebrate sin as a culture today, then I welcome you to continue to read and share this post.

The Death of an Amazing Woman and it's Impact

I am going to be upfront with you. Death scares me; so does heaven.

It's Been a While!

I have not really written in my blog in a long time. Almost two months. The biggest reason for that is since Jahs has been born and it is nap time, I take a nap too...normally. And lately that is the only time I am able to write only because it is quiet. I have just enough sanguine in me that I get distracted and I have a hard time concentrating when there is noise and playing going on around me. Lol

Sipping on a hot cup of tea and looking out the window, I am sitting here typing this post. Christmas is only a few short days away. Honestly, it feels like any old time of year this year for me. I'm not sure why and it kind of bums me out. Cindy Lou Who and I are pals this year. I am not depressed, but I am just not excited about Christmas as I normally am.

After I put the kids to bed, I was trying to motivate myself to get the house tidy again and do some laundry. After a while, I saw my Bible sitting lonely and unread on the table and the Lord convicted me. I sat down with my hot cup of tea and enjoyed some quiet time. I am doing a chronological Bible reading program and it is really interesting. Yesterday and today have been all about Jesus casting out demons and healing.

One of my biggest struggles has always been my devotions. I have no idea why. When I have days like today when I am convicted and long for the word of God, I am so grateful for that feeling. God is good. Most days it is something I know I should do, so the days where God blesses me with the desire are sweet.

Let us pray for each other and pray that God gives us opportunities to do devotions each day. When you have littles at home, sometimes it takes some creativity to carve in time, but there is always time. My prayer is that God helps me see that time like He did today. Laundry can wait. Hot tea and talks with my Lord need to come first.

Ever Afraid to Pray? I am...Here's why

I want to be honest about something and maybe this confession will help others as well. Sometimes I am afraid to pray. I know this sounds silly to most of you, so let me explain.

Using God's Word Selfishly...

I wanted to share something that I wrote in my journal recently. It is something that has been on my heart. I don’t know if I have ever wrote something that I have written in my journal, but I thought this may help others and maybe some of you can help me out and give me some tips, advice, or thoughts.

So here is what I wrote:

God's Sovereignty and Mundane Days

The sovereignty of my God is an awesome thing. He is wholly in control.

Today was an emotionally draining day with Levi. He wasn’t bad necessarily, he was being a kid. I was tired and trying to accomplish a lot. I seemed to be telling him to leave stuff alone, put something back, be gentle to the cat, those aren’t yours to play with, or Levi, please come here all afternoon long. All the negative was discouraging me. Trying to come up with more positive, less draining ways to keep him out of stuff, I tried to have him play with certain things etc. I felt bad for him, but I was also getting frustrated and even more tired.
 I accomplished a lot of things. Things in the house got organized, his bedroom got cleaned, curtains were hung, our bedroom was completely rearranged, laundry was done, lunch and dinner were made, but one thing was not accomplished. I wanted to take Levi to the park. I wanted to walk down there for the exercise and then let him play outside in the fresh air together with me. Guess what got shoved aside on my to do list.
Yes, I am glad that I accomplished what I did and I am grateful that I was able to because honestly today is what I would consider a “bad pregnancy day” because of the cramping, aches, pains, and tiredness. But, what did I do to spend quality time with Levi? We did play together and we sang songs and such, but still the fact that the park got shoved aside bothered me. I read this article this evening and it really struck home. I had a frustrating day today and this evening isn’t going so hot either. I’m tired and emotional, but my God is still sovereign. He’s sovereign over the missed park, he’s sovereign over Levi exploring EVERYTHING today, He’s sovereign over the icky evening. He’s also sovereign over the good things. Levi informing me he had to go potty, a nice arranged bedroom that is decluttered. Clothes that are washed and put away. God is sovereign. This is a truth I need to embed deep in my heart. When I feel my heart and soul getting frustrated and worried or stressed, I need to remember God is sovereign and realize every situation is designed for me personally. God knew it would happen and is using it to grow me more Christ-like.
So, whether it is a tantrum or being bummed about missing the park, realize that God is sovereign and we can learn something from each situation. I need to manage my time better, lean on God, and thank Him for my amazing little man who sometimes wears me out physically even though he is shorter than my knees! :)

*By the way, this is a day later and we did make it to the park today. :)

Gossiping Lies

I'm nervous to write this post because I know this is going to come across as harsh, but I don't mean it to. Just know my heart isn't to be harsh and judgemental.

Sometimes the way the world thinks saddens me. And by the world, I don't necessarily mean unbelievers, some things believers say is also very saddening--sometimes more so because they should know better....but then again, God is the one who opens our eyes, not us. I just recently overheard an older couple talking about someone they knew who was getting married.

A Clarification

I wanted to write a clarification for my post "Emotional Stability" from the other day. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew I wasn't saying that because we aren't strong and that we should lean on Christ give us an excuse to be emotional and sinful in our attitudes. When we are overwhelmed we are telling God He isn't running our lives right basically. Though if we are overwhelmed yet trusting and crying out to Him asking Him for help, that is fine. Many of the people in the Bible did that. The Christian life isn't always roses and sunshine, it really just stinks sometimes, but it stinks with peace. lol Knowing that we have a sovereign God is an amazing feeling.

Are You Called to be a Missionary?

My dream, the thing that I literally would cry myself to sleep about, the thing that I plead with God to make a way--that dream was to be a missionary. An overseas missionary. And I had this opportunity when I was 16. I went to Africa and it changed my life. I pray I helped and blessed those over in Africa, but I am not sure. I do know that it literally rocked my world. I felt so inadequate. So useless and helpless. So overwhelmed. I would once again cry myself to sleep longing to go back. I wanted to be a missionary my whole life. I wanted to move there. I wanted to adopt all the kids I saw with over-flowing diapers. I wanted to bring into my home all the girls with breaking hearts looking for love in all the wrong places. I wanted to show the young men trying to find a sense of value, trying to feel like a man where they could find that value. I wanted to help the families with 20 people living in once home about the size of our apartment or smaller who only wanted one blanket and a Bible. I wanted to give them so much more. And I still do. It still shakes me today. I still cry over it and my heart aches to go back. But, that time is not now. God's timing is perfect and I pray that He will use me once again to be a blessing in Africa.

But then the thought hits me that why can't I be a missionary here? What changed about my attitude over there? What made me fearless to pray with dying people? To pray with hurting teenagers? To help them see God's love? What made the difference to have joy in playing with 100 kids who didn't speak our language at all for hours on end? What made that difference? And, why can't I have that attitude here? Why don't I ask those who are hurting around me if I can not only pray for them, but pray with them? If I can ask the grocery store clerk who seems upset, grouchy, and struggling if there is anything I can do for her? To pray for? To find practical ways to help the homeless on our streets? To reach out to the girls I babysit? To tell them about Jesus? Why is my heart and attitude so different in Africa than in America?

Did you know that we have a lot of missionaries from other counteries now coming here? What are we doing in our own homes and neighborhoods to be missionaries? You may or may not be called to go over seas, but we are all called to share the love of Christ. We can and are called to be missionaries no matter where we are.

On the Potter's Wheel 2.0 lol

As I write this, I pray that my heart and true intent is heard. I write this humbly and graciously. I'm writing this for myself because this is something I struggle with and God is allowing me to see the other end of it and I have been very convicted.

I get worked up over things and get offended very easy and hurt just as easy. When I get hurt, I tend to get upset and angry. When something someone does or says hurts or offends me (whether they truly are wrong or whether what they say is true and that is why it is offensive to me because I know they are right but I get prideful and put up a wall being unwilling to listen), I tend to spew out things that are not helpful to the situation. I definitely am not doing what Titus 3:2 says: "...to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." This is very sad and not only because 1) I am being a poor witness to others, 2) I am hurting others who are people who are made in God's image, and 3) Ultimately and most of all I am not doing what glorifies and brings honor to God.

Total Depravity

For our home study group, we went over Romans 8--mainly verses 28 to the end. We got into a very great, slightly sorta heated discussion on predestination/total depravity. It was awesome. Made us all think. I decided to do some more research after study to see what I could dig up. Here is what I found (most of this came from my pastor and things I found).