I post this not as a complaint, but because I sometimes see mom's posts about how good everything is and then feel like I'm doing something wrong when I have normal bad days.
So, moms out there, it isn't always sunshine and roses, but by God's grace, even the "bad" days are good and are there to sanctify us. This evening I have been looking forward to just sitting in the quiet (John's at his gym class) while I watch TV and do my nails for the 4th of July after all the kids go to bed quite easily...well that is how it played out in my mind. Here is what happened instead. Around 2:30 Jahs and Levi woke up and Jahs basically ate lunch then cried about everything and nothing for about an hour before I decided to put him back to bed. He slept until close to 5 when I finally got him up. He still was really weepy but I'm thinking it is molars coming in (he won't eat, but nothing else seems wrong...doesn't seem sick, I checked his ears for an infection again and that seems okay, etc.). Anywho, Then around the same time in the afternoon, Titus wouldn't take a nap either but just cried and cried. Both were really clingy. Then Levi hit his face and he started crying. lol Oye! I had to run to do an errand and thankfully, Titus was content for the duration off the errand and Jahs was okay as long as I held him. (Though, the mail lady gave him a sticker which he wanted on his hand, then he proceeded to lick it. When the wet sticker finally slipped off of his hand....oh my word, you'd think he had been mortally wounded...thankfully this all happened in the car). When we got home, we read. Jahs still fighting the urge to go into crying fits and fighting hard, but at least he was trying. So I get those two in bed. Next is Titus. Get him in bed. Then I get the conviction to exercise with only 1.5 hours before John gets back. So I did a 20 minute zumba workout. Nothing to brag about, BUT better than not doing anything at all. I get excited, load my show on my computer only to hear Titus just screaming. I set the timer for 10 minutes but decide instead to go check on him because that isn't the normal "I'm over tired" cry. He had so much puke covering his face, in his eyes, completely SOAKED his whole entire outfit and bed. Took me a long time to just calm him so I could change him. Still not sure why he puked so much. Second time he has done this. Nothing has changed diet wise. I'll have to keep an eye on it. Anywho, he is a wreck and is exhausted, but won't lay down to sleep.
But you know, normally my "alone" and quiet time would be an idol to me. And I guess I'm still fighting the urge for it to be. I just want to sit in the quiet with everyone sleeping peacefully without anyone "needing" me for just a second. But that is a selfish thought. I should be thankful. I should be thankful that I was able to exercise before needing to tend to anyone. That my fussy pants Jahs loves cuddling when he isn't feeling well. That it is only teeth and nothing serious. That Levi is such a loving brother and a caring son that he tries comforting the fussy ones for all of our sakes. God is the one I need to look to for restoration not my "me" time. It is nice and it is a huge blessing from God when it happens, but if it doesn't happen, that is OKAY!!! If I get frustrated about it, then I need to realize that it is becoming an idol in my life and I should be thankful to God for helping me to see that. I should be thankful for crying babies and naked nails.
So moms, you are not alone. You are not alone in your haggered evenings. You are not alone craving some alone time (or for the extroverts, maybe some "adult" time.). You are not alone in wanting to not be "needed" for a little bit. But, let us realize that us looking to that alone time as a savior, will not fix the problem. We may feel rejuvenated temporarily, but as soon as the baby starts crying again (which I'm going to estimate will be in 15 minutes. :P) or your little one is using his pillow as a car and waking his younger brother up by "crashing" while he is supposed to be quiet and trying to go to sleep, you will feel that frustration and that relaxed and rejuvenated feeling will slip through your fingers. But that's okay, because those things are not going to help us long term. Let us cling to the arms of the Savior who will rejuvenate us long term. I would type more, but Jahs has started crying again now. Will my nails get done this evening? Or my show watched....eh I'm doubtful, but that's okay. :) Momma's, know that Christ is there for you and the rest and peace you feel when you cling to Him is so much more wonderful than the rest you feel when you finally get that alone time you have been so longingly been craving for. I apologize for the haggeredness of the wording in this post. I feel like I just puked up words on the page, but I pray you understand where my heart is coming from tonight.
Sincerely,
A tired but content, peaceful, and thankful momma
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