Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Emotionally Unstable

One of my hopes for my blog is that I can show everyone else that me, my marriage, and my family are not perfect. We are happy, we are grateful, we are very blessed, but we are sinners. Some of you who know me, already know I am not a strong person emotionally. I tend to be emotional. I let things offend me that shouldn't. I get frustrated about simple things. I get overwhelmed very easy, etc. Well, yesterday was no exception. John and I had an argument and made up. It was a good talk that brought up things that needed to be discussed and solved. We need to strive to make up quicker though and he pointed out that we only have each other for a little while and he doesn't want to get to heaven and have God say to Him, "I gave you this marriage and what did you do with it? You wasted 25% of it fighting, the other 50% you wasted not talking to each other because of the fights and then the last 25% you wasted just doing your own thing." What he said convicted me. I don't want that. I want our marriage and our lives to glorify and honor God. To bring Him glory and to be a witness to others. Anywho, so I was already an emotional wreck even though things were back to normal between us.

We had to go up north for my dad to fix John's car for us (by the way, they are still working on it. Thanks dad and John for being so awesome and for trying to hard to work on it! You guys rock!! and I know you will get it.). I started thinking of all the things I had to get done in a short amount of time and the house was a mess...as usual. I HATE leaving the house like that and then coming home to a messy house. But it was inevitable that I would have to leave it. And as we were packing, things kept getting messier. I lost it. Well lost it in my way which is going into a room by myself and crying. As I was crying in the bathroom I wished I wasn't so emotion. I wished I could be a wife and mother that just took things in stride and was just able to handle it all. And when things didn't go just right, that I was able to say oh well, smile and be just wonderful for John. But I'm not and I probably never will be just like that until heaven, though I am striving to get better. Then it hit me, my emotional unstableness is a blessing. It shows me just how humble I am, how I CAN'T do anything without God. as 1 Corinthians 12:9-10 states. We are made weak that HE may be strong. So, I am thankful that I fail only because it shows me how truly awesome my God is. He is truly great and He is my strength. How amazing. At that moment I had a few more tears but I felt as though He were holding me. But I was even more blessed. I came out and looked like I had clearly been crying. John asked what was the matter and after a few times of asking I told him I was overwhelmed and stressed and wanted to go but I didn't want to go either. lol He sat me down with a t-chart and put all the pros and cons of staying versus going. Then he helped me see that everything I had to get done, I could get done in like 30 minutes tops when I got back. He took the time to stop packing and stop rushing out to try to leave to sit me down and help me out. It was a huge blessing. I am sure it is very frustrating for him sometimes, but he is so amazing for me. After this, he then gave me a big hug and a high five which then produced more tears as he jammed my finger really badly, but that is another story. lol

I am very blessed. Not only did God remind me that I am not emotionally strong, and that is okay. He is. He's got it covered. :) And then He blessed me with an amazing husband that helps me out.