Thursday, March 20, 2014

The First Few Years of Marriage Rollercoaster No One Warned Me About

Once again, I want to share the "real" us. The first year maybe the first two years of our marriage where such a  rollercoaster ride. There were definitely highs and we were madly in love, but the lows--the bad times--were really bad.
It was to the point where I thought maybe we had made a mistake, but I also new divorce was a sin, so I knew that wasn't an option. I also wondered why we were failing so miserably. Why would we have such huge fights and not talk to each other for days? I felt like we were failing as a couple; our goal was to be an example of marriage in a broken world, but we weren't even close to that. We were lucky to go a few days without fighting. It was to the point where John would joke and say "Do you want me to make something up so we can fight now?" And this was much later when things had calmed down enough to where we could even joke about it. I honestly was scared. No one informed me that the first years of marriage would be so rough. You are getting used to living with another person. You are learning to live selflessly and learning to fill their love tank.

I remember the BEST thing that happened was a good friend of mine sent me a note and all she stated was that she knew the first year or so of their marriage was really bad, and she just wanted to let me know that I was not alone (she didn't even know we were struggling, what a God thing!) and that it does get better. God is so awesome. I felt so alone and like we were the only ones who went through that. Her note letting me know that they also went through that same struggle really blessed me. Their marriage was something I wanted to emulate knowing that even they struggled was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

So for any newly married couples or about to be married couples, know that there will be struggles. There will be fights. You may question things. First and foremost run to God. Pray; pray hard. Realize that divorce is NOT an option and that you can and will make it through this. Continue loving each other. Remain faithful and "Do not grow weary in well doing." No matter how he talks to you, no matter what hurtful, disrespectful thing she says, you can forgive each other and cling to Christ. You married a sinner; you are a sinner. Sin will be shown, and it is shown so much through marriage. It is a chance to grow more like Christ.

My friend, you are not alone. God is with you. We are all walking through this tough journey called sanctification, marriage, dying-to-self, love, together. :) I pray that God gives you peace and strength through the storm.