I am going to be upfront with you. Death scares me; so does heaven.
Why in the world would heaven scare you, you may be thinking. Well, let me explain. I used to be completely okay with death and totally loved the verse that says "To live is Christ, to die is gain." Going to heaven to worship my God forever? Sign me up! To have no more sorrows and to be ever in His amazing presence? Then I got married. Then we started a family. I will be honest, the verse that says there is no marriage in heaven scares me. I am full of fears and doubts. I cried to John one evening as we lay in bed and told him I think he was an idol in my life; that I looked to him more than I looked to God. The fact that he was an idol in my life also scared me. I didn't want God to have to "remove" my idol from me. I have so many questions. Will John and I know each other in heaven? Will we, as most people say when someone dies, see each other and be reunited when we get there? Or will it be that we won't know at all? How does that work? Do we really know or is this something we can't know; something that the Bible doesn't tell us? I admit I am ashamed of this thought and am praying that God helps me with this.
A lady that was many people held dear passed away very unexpectedly this past week. She was an awesome lady who influenced many around her. Jackie's testimony is absolutely amazing. Her excitement to get to heaven is just awe-inspiring. To be with Jesus. This testimony was given shortly before she passed away.
I read a book called "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. It radically affected how I view my marriage. I am planning on re-reading it now after the events of the past few weeks. My prayer is that God would help me to embrace and learn from what is in this book and how Jackie lived her life. I would implore you to check out this book, even if you aren't married. It applies to all relationships in your life.
I still don't know exactly "how it will work" when we are in heaven. I don't know if I will know John and our kids. But, I know that heaven will be so much more than what we can ever dream of. Jackie's longing for heaven and her joy in death is amazing and has really impacted me. One thing it has really helped me see is that we don't know when God will call us home; when our job here on earth is finished. God knows our days, we have no clue. We need to live each and every day as if it were our last. From what I can see, Jackie did just that. Her job here on earth was finished. I pray that through this sorrowful experience, God will help me to strive to live a life like Jackie has. To strive each and every day to become more like Christ. To love to the fullest, to not be offended by stupid, petty things, to resolve issues quickly. I need to make the best of this time on earth and to not waste my life. Jackie Lewis sure taught that to me in her life and in her death. If something were to happen to anyone in my life, I don't want thoughts to be filled with the "what ifs" but with "wow, what a time we had! Isn't God awesome?"