Thursday, July 25, 2013

Gossiping Lies

I'm nervous to write this post because I know this is going to come across as harsh, but I don't mean it to. Just know my heart isn't to be harsh and judgemental.

Sometimes the way the world thinks saddens me. And by the world, I don't necessarily mean unbelievers, some things believers say is also very saddening--sometimes more so because they should know better....but then again, God is the one who opens our eyes, not us. I just recently overheard an older couple talking about someone they knew who was getting married.
The women was disgusted and stated shortly "I don't understand; she is only 23, how can she know where she will be 2 years from now, let along a lifetime from now?!" Her listening friend just nodded in agreement. She went on to talk about how who knows if the person this young lady would be marrying is who she will really want to spend the rest of her life with. It really saddened me to hear this. How discouraging for this younger couple who is doing the right thing. Let me through a scenario out there that maybe this older couple would be okay with. This young couple living together, having sex (because this is obvious, unpopular, but it's true. Anyone living together is most likely having sex together as well. If it is a huge temptation for couples NOT living together, that makes the temptation even greater when you live together). For them to have kids together and for those kids to grow up without a stable family relationship. But, that doesn't matter because this young lady could change her mind at any moment right? What if she decides this young man really isn't who she wants to live with the rest of her life?

Do you see that there are so many things wrong with this scenario? One, that the older generations that we are supposed to look up to, that are supposed to guide us, are telling us marriage at a young age is wrong. Why? Their reasons are so selfish and self-centered too. Because we may change our mind. We may decide we made a mistake. What about the mistakes of living in sin? Forcing children to grow up like that? I wish there was something I could have said to that lady that day, but it wouldn't have been with the right heart. But, here is what I would tell her if I could go back again with a humble heart crying out for this young lady who seems to be striving to do the right thing despite lack of support and gossiping lips.
Ma'am, I'm sorry but I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. It's hard not to hear in a place like this. I just wanted to say I can understand your concern, but wanted to tell you, I am 23 as well. I am happily married and have been for only a mere 2 and a half years, but despite having rough patches, I don't regret it for one minute. Ma'am, we had a child right from the get go. Most would say we were crazy and we should just enjoy our lives. I say, God has an awesome plan and has blessed us with an opportunity to start raising leaders right away. My wonderful husband and I are now pregnant with our second. Some may say that we got pregnant too soon after having our first. Again, I would say God has again blessed us with the chance to raise another leader and to do so while we are young. Some may say it is selfish because we aren't financially as stable as most would think you should be to raise a family. I would say that God has blessed us with the ability to lean on Him and trust that HE has a plan. HE is writing our story. Some would say that I don't know if this man I married is truly my soul mate, I would say that I'm not sure there is such a thing as soul mates. Love is not a feeling, it is an action. I must choose each day to love this man despite what my selfish heart says sometimes. If five years down the road my life does change, good; I would hope that it does. Marriage does change us, indeed. It helps us grow, it helps us become other's centered and less self-centered. It is hard work. Living together without being married is "easy." You can leave anytime with no guilt. Yes, there is emotional baggage, but you know that you didn't get a "divorce." All though, that too is becoming way too easy to not even blink at. There is no commitment. Ma'am, do you really think it is better for them to be tempted to sin? Be tempted to live together and "pretend" to be married without the commitment? What is the difference really? Why is it so wrong to get married so young? If we were to wait until we are "ready," we would never be ready. We would still be extremely selfish, worried about what we think, and still have to get used to living as one. Nothing matures a person faster than marriage; it is a glorious sanctifying work that God does. It can be a glorious example of the gospel. Ma'am, I am not trying to change your mind though I am very sorry that you feel this way. I just wanted to let you know that depsite what others thought, I married at 21. I don't think it is too young. My grandma married at 15 and had her first child at 16. They are still married to this day. What if she had changed her mind? I'm sure she had many nights where she wanted to, but that is just it, she didn't. She knew she needed to stick with it regardless. Instead of discouraging this young lady from getting married, maybe encourage her by telling her times will get tough. There will be conflict. That's normal. You will wonder if you made a mistake; that's normal. Telling her that feelings are deceitful. You have to tell yourself that divorce is not an option and no matter how tough it gets, it is a chance to grow and fight for what you have.

Now of course there are cases where abuse and affairs come into play. I'm not talking about that, I am just discussing the fact that soceity would rather our young people live their individual selfish lives rather than make a commitment that can be scary. They would rather they just do what is comfortable and "follow their heart" rather than following the advice of Proverbs and realizing that the heart is deceitfully wicked. Also, I am not meaning to bash anyone who is living together. I don't believe it is right and I believe it to be sinful. Personally, I believe you have a few choices if you would like to change what is going on, seperate for a while. Maybe go live with a friend or a family member and then together repent. Repent to God and repent to each other. Then one of two things can happen. You could go to the courthouse (or we went to our Pastor and did a "court house" wedding) and get married so that you are no longer pretending to be married, but are now married in God's eyes as well. OR, you can actually plan a wedding, though I know this to be harder when you are already sinning. It's to hard to not continue. But it is very possible. But either way, you need to live seperately, repent, and stop having sex together.

For older folks who may be tempted to think the way this lady did, I would implore you to pray hard and pray that the advice you give young folks isn't selfish. At the root, that is what this advice/gossip was. The lady was uncomfortable with it and instead of doign what was best for the young couple, she did what was easiest for her. Pray that you can give advice or cousel that brings God the most glory and helps this young couple to grow closer to Christ and in Christ. This is so hard sometimes, I know. I also realize that this may be a hard blog post for some. Most may have stopped reading already. Just know that my heart isn't to judge or bash. My heart is to help everyone realize that we need to be more concerned about sin in our lives and be saddned by the way the world thinks. I pray that if you my friend are struggling with temptation of any kind, that you would listen to the Holy Spirit's calling and turn from that. Go to someone you can trust and that will give godly advice and talk with them. don't be afraid to. And realize that whatever you are tempted in or have done, God already knows and He still loves you. Look at the people in the Bible that He used and used mightly. Rahab was a prostitute. Abraham was a liar. David was not only an adulterer but also murdered his love affairs husband to hide what he did. Paul was a murder. God used all of these men and women not because they were good, but because He is great.