Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Is your husband getting that lovin' feeling?

Okay, well we can't avoid it much longer so let's just get to it. And, this is something that I need to work on big time. Most of my posts are written not because I have mastered this area and am an expert, I write them because I want to share what I'm learning and hope that as women of God, married couples, wives, mothers, friends, we can all grow together because I am definitely still growing.

What makes you feel loved? I am speaking to the women mainly here. Are you a physical touch person? Does a warm bear hug or a random neck rub or your husband scooting up close and pulling you beside him make your heart melt and tells you that you know you are loved and cared for? Or are you a random acts of kindess gal? Dishes being done without being asked, the toilet being scrubbed, or the clothes being put away reassure you that you have found your soul mate and he loves you with all of his heart. There are of course many other love languages, but you get the idea. What makes you feel loved?
Let me give you a scenario. If one day when your husband came home and you wanted a big hug, reassurance that despite what happened at work that day, he still loved you just as much (gals with the love language of touch, you totally understand this one huh?). He didn't come and give you that hug, so you decided to go up and give one to him. Instead of embracing you and enjoying the hug, he not only didn't accept it, he said that he just needed some down time. Work was hard and long and he just couldn't right now. Or how about another scenario. This time, he's had his down time and time to unwind after work, now you just want to talk with him. Relate your days to each other like husbands and wives like to do. Just converse but when you try to start a conversation with him, he asks if he can have a rain check and talk to each other later. He's really tired. Boy would that make us feel unloved and just plain hurt, angry, and really upset wouldn't it? The simple things that make you feel loved, he's denying because he's too tired or needs to unwind. Too tired to show you love?!

Do you understand where I am going with this yet.....I think you might get it. There are many ways our husbands feel loved. And of course thelove languages apply to them as well, but there are two big ways your husband feels really loved and that is through respect and through sex. I am not going to discuss respect here; this post is about intimacy. Let's think about this, most guys don't view sex as just a sexual release. It is a special time between a husband and wife. Time to share the intimacy God blessed them with. If it was just about sexual release, there are other ways to accomplish that (again, not going to discuss that here either. If you have questions about that, please consult your Pastor or a godly mentor in your life). I have even expressed to my husband that I am okay with doing "quickies" more often thinking that anything but a quickie was more for me. Boy was I wrong. He doesn't enjoy those times as at all and feels very disconnected. So if he feels unloved and disconnected when we do have sex at times, how much more when I tell him I am tired or need to unwind, etc. How let down and hurt he must feel. If he feels anything like how I feel when we haven't been intimate (not in the sexual sense but just feeling loved by each other, me knowing I am cared for and loved and not like it's an inconveince) but then he wants to have sex, I can totally understand!

Now, some guys need to feel "loved" more often than others. Regardless of how often (and maybe that is something you as a couple need to talk about), make your best effort to fulfill that if you can. Of course, within reason. But, if your husband is truly a loving, caring guy, he is looking out for your best interest too. And, heck, how much time does it take to have a little fun when he comes home on a lunch break? Or setting your mindset mentally early in the day so that you are rested and ready for your hubby later in the evening. This is about making him feel loved! This is important!! Just as it's important for your love tank to be filled. And it's all about the heart of the issue, being willing and wanting to be intimate with your husband because it isn't just sex, it makes him feel loved and appreciated. So ladies, how about it? I know it's tough, but you can do it. :)