I wanted to share something that I wrote in my journal recently. It is something that has been on my heart. I don’t know if I have ever wrote something that I have written in my journal, but I thought this may help others and maybe some of you can help me out and give me some tips, advice, or thoughts.
So here is what I wrote:
My dilemma of the evening is how do you go to God’s word when you know you need an attitude adjustment without using it like an anti-depressant or just going to the Bible when things are not going well? Is the answer that I should be going to the Bible at all times? But then, what about if I was doing really well at sticking to my daily decotions yet still had a bad time or an icky attitude like this evening? Would I then be able to go to God’s word for help and comfort knowing that my attitude is a result of not understanding God’s character and sovereignty. Do you pray for a heart change before you go to God’s word when you are feeling depressed/angry/frustrated? Is it possible to go to God’s word selfishly? I never thought it was until I read “Spiritual Depression” by D.L Moody. That’s my issue tonight. I feel emotionally drained and mentally worn out. I realized I need to get out of bed and read my Bible, but feel like I am just “using” God’s word selfishly. Is that possible?
What are your thoughts? Is it possible to use God’s word selfishly? How to you handle this when you have feelings of frustration or depression and you know you need to be reading God’s word and clinging to Him? Thoughts?